


Hearts to the Cause

by theNoke



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps Shenanigans, Action & Romance, Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Armin Arlert - Freeform, Armin/Eren/Reader, Connie Springer - Freeform, Dirty Thoughts, Dominant Erwin Smith, Drama, Drama & Romance, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, Dry Humping, Edging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren Yeager - Freeform, Eren/Reader - Freeform, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Erwin Smith's Eyebrows, Erwin/Reader - Freeform, Erwin/You - Freeform, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Eyebrows, F/M, Feels, Female Protagonist, Female Reader, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Foreplay, Grinding, Hurt/Comfort, Impulse Control, Inner Dialogue, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, Lemon, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Loss of Control, Love, Lovers, Lust, Lust at First Sight, Mikasa/Reader - Freeform, Multiple chapters, Naked Cuddling, Nipple Play, Nudity, One Night Only, Oral Sex, Orgasm, POV Erwin Smith, POV Female Character, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Reader-Insert, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sasha Blouse - Freeform, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Shiganshina District, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex, age gap, attack on titan - Freeform, levi/reader - Freeform, mikasa ackerman - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, survey corps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 03:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19076440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theNoke/pseuds/theNoke
Summary: So this is definitely not the happy ending you probably wanted, but I think it is a beautiful way to honor Erwin and the plot of SNK.I couldn't write a fiction where we all live "happily ever after." In my mind, Erwin Smith would never place romance and love above humanity. His heart was dedicated to the cause, regardless of his dreams.I wanted his final moment of weakness to be with the reader.To be honest, there was a part of my spirit that died with Erwin Smith, and it's symbolic to have the reader perish along side of him.This fiction helped me cope with his death (lol).Thank you all for reading if you made it this far! I appreciate your support. This is my first fiction, so it is my baby!





	1. Lost in Thought

You walk along the cobblestone path, dressed in full uniform. You still aren’t used to the straps that lace over, what seems to be, your entire body. It has been several years since there has been a titan incident, but the cortisol that corses through your system is very much so real. 

 

You begin to reflect on your training days, times were simpler then. Yes, we were still dealing with a huge existential crisis, but there was at least... hope. Now you barely have anything to cling to. It seems like such a distant dream, laughing and dreaming with the rest of your comrades.

 

Now you are serving in the survey corps, and humanity deems you as their only hope. _Ironic that the hopeless lead the hopeful_ , you think to yourself. It doesn’t help that your squad captain is the most miserable man to roam the Earth, Levi Ackerman. You roll your eyes even thinking of his name, and let out a breathless laugh. _I should take it easy on him, he’s a decent guy_ , you think. 

 

You eventually find yourself back at your outpost, thirty minutes past curfew. You try to sneak your way into your living corners when you are greeted with a sullen, monotonous voice, “not so fast.”

 

You turn around and you are face to face with Levi. His boyish, mouse like features stare back at you, skin as pale as ever. “You are thirty minutes late for curfew.” he said matter-of-factly. 

 

You salute your Captain and reply sternly, “Yes Captain! I am sorry, it won’t happen again, sir!”

 

He blatantly rolled his eyes and let out a rather audible sigh, “That’s what you said last time scout. I have to write you up this time.”

 

_Shit._ Usually you were an expert on getting out of trouble, but I guess all good things come to an end. You nod defeatedly, “Of course, sir. Once again I am sorry!”

 

“Tch.... follow me.” he motions to you to move with him. 

 

“If you don’t mind me asking, Captain, where are we going?” you ask, squinting, unsure if the question is going to land or not.

 

“To Commander Smith’s office. We need to do a proper write up this time since you cannot stay firm on your word.” It’s difficult to actually follow what he says for his words are clouded with disdain. 

 

You decide to keep your mouth shut for the rest of the walk to the Commander’s office. You have never actually met the Commander before, but you have heard mixed reviews about his existence. On the one hand there are individuals who absolutely adore his virtue. He is a man who sticks to, and believes in ideals. On the other hand, there are those who believe he is the devil incarnate. You don’t like to make your mind up about someone before meeting them in the flesh, so you decide to keep an open mind about the situation.

 

Levi opens the door for you and motions with his head to speed it up and walk through the door. The Commander’s office is definitely not what you expected. There are piles of paper and maps scattered almost everywhere throughout the room. His desk is made from a dark wood, and there are two chairs thrown in front of it. The wall to your left is a long bookshelf that is home to many history books. The curtains that hang so heavily from the windows are a dark green, and the room is illuminated by candle light. 

 

“Wait there in one of those chairs. The Commander will be out shortly to address what happened.” Before you could say anything to your captain, he disappeared into the darkness of the hallway. 

 

You make your way over to the chairs, careful not to step on any of the clutter on the floor. You sit down, feet together, back straight, and hands folded into your lap. Several minutes pass before you are greeted by anyone.

 

“Well... Good Evening” a silken, husky voice booms from behind you. 

 

You turn around in your chair and are immediately in awe of the man standing in front of you. You don’t typically find yourself attracted to those around you, but his allure was like something you have never experienced before. He was a tall, muscular man with incredibly mature, precise features. Thick blonde hair draped so neatly over his head. Thoughtful pools of blue starring at you, sparkling with the candlelight. With every step he took, a new muscle was visible through his clothing. You felt your throat swell up, flustered you reply, “Yes, um, Good Evening Commander.” You can’t believe how mighty this man’s presence is. 

 

There is a powerful silence that rests over the both of you as he walks to his desk. The anxiety that is flowing through you takes over, you break the ice once more: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Commander. I went for an evening stroll and got lost in my thoughts. It won’t happen again.” 

 

“Your apology is accepted. I understand that it is easy, at times, to get lost in your own head. Try to keep careful watch of the sun next time.” he says stoically.

 

You muster out “Absolutely Commander, sir.” 

 

“You can call me Erwin, by the way. I am not really one for titles.” he says as he puts his hand up to his temple, gently massaging that area of his head. You can tell that the entire weight of humanity rests on his shoulders. “That will be all. I will be keeping a close eye on you, scout. Now go get some rest.” 

 

You pick yourself up from the rather uncomfortable chair you were sitting in. You salute Erwin before turning around and walking way, proud of yourself for keeping your composure throughout that conversation.

 

\-----------

Erwin has never really had time for emotional or spiritual connection, but he found himself incredibly drawn to you. As you walked away he admired the curves in your physique. Your hair was thick and wavy, pulled back loosely into a ponytail; his fingers were practically begging him to pull on it. He hesitated for a moment: _What am I thinking?_ he thought to himself, _I am twice her age and her superior_. Erwin shook off his intimate thoughts, slightly disappointed in himself for having a moment of falter. 

\------------

 

You made it back to your room quickly. You felt exhausted from your interaction with Erwin. That was the most emotion you had felt in quite some time and in such a short time frame. You undress yourself and put on a night shirt. You quickly braid your hair, brush your teeth, and wash the dirt away from your face and hands. _There will be time for a shower tomorrow._

 

You stumble over to your bed and lift up the soft blue comforter, slithering in for the night. Your mind races through your interaction with Erwin; you can’t seem to get him off of your mind. Eventually, without even knowing it, you drift off to sleep.


	2. Unexpected

You stumble out of bed, you were never really a morning person. In fact, it was safe to say that you hated the mornings. _I picked the right career_ , you thought sarcastically as you quickly got dressed to go down to the mess hall.

 

On your walk there you try to distract yourself from thinking about the oceans that are Erwin’s eyes. The way he looked at you made you shudder, even though you are sure he looks at everyone the same way. _Whatever,_ you think. _Get a grip_.

 

You turn the corner to make your entrance into the mess hall, and eventually you see him. _What is he doing here? He never eats breakfast down here_. This is not what you needed this morning. All you wanted to do was to sit down by your comrades, and enjoy a hot cup of tea. Apparently, the universe didn’t have that in the cards today. Erwin notices your presence and you both lock eyes. The contact doesn’t last long, for he breaks it quickly, but in your heart it felt like an eternity. 

 

You walk over towards Sasha and Connie, they usually wake your spirits right up in the morning. You get over to your usual seat and you notice that they are both already arguing about some trivial topic, something to do with stealing food. 

 

“Hey there,” a familiar voice calls out from behind you, a delicate hand is placed on your shoulder. “Have you seen Eren at all?” Mikasa, as usual, only has one concern. The world could be ending and she would still be calculating ways to save Eren’s life. You admire her loyalty, though. You feel lucky to have a friend as passionate and strong as her. 

 

“I haven’t, I’m sure he will turn up.” you say, dazed and still consumed by your recent Erwin eye contact. 

 

You look over at Mikasa, and you see the worry consuming her face. This is her typical morning routine with Eren. You decide to pour her a cup of pear blossom tea to try to calm her nerves. 

 

“Thanks.” she says flatly, staring intently at the door.

 

You feel and itch to look over at the Commander, but you resist.You decide to look down and get lost in your thoughts instead. 

 

“Hello! Earth to Space Scout!” a voice whines.

 

You look up, realizing that Eren and Armin snuck in while you were in a haze. 

 

“Oh hey guys. Sorry, I sort of had a restless night. I am feeling more tired than usual.” You lie through your teeth. But they seem to believe you, you said it genuinely enough. 

 

“You better sharpen up! Combat practice is starting soon and I intend to take you down this time!” Eren says, too eagerly for your current mental state. 

 

“Yeah, yeah.” you say, brushing him off.

 

“Wow she really isn’t in the mood this morning.” Eren says to Armin and Mikasa. Connie can still be heard in the background questioning Sasha’s morality.

 

The itch you had to look over at the commander was now all consuming. Coupled with your comrades banter, it was driving you insane. _Maybe I would be able to focus better if I just looked over there for a second._ You turn your head in his direction. Immediately you are whacked in the face with his joyous smirk. Erwin is sitting across from Hange and Levi, and they are enthusiastically arguing about something; Erwin is loving every second of it. The way his lips curl upwards drives you absolutely crazy. You cannot help but linger in your stare. Unfortunately, you linger a little bit too long, and the handsome man you were once observing is now also observing you. This time, you both stare intently at one another.

 

 \------------

Erwin has been looking in your direction since you walked into the mess hall. He followed your curvaceous figure as you threaded your way through the tables and crowds. Eventually you made eye contact with him. He didn’t want anyone noticing what he was just doing, so he broke contact shortly after. _I can’t let anyone see me starring at her_ , he thought to himself. Levi and Hange walked over and sat down arguing over a training regimen for Eren. He always finds it comical when those two butt heads. _Two absolute power houses_. 

 

The kibitzing was borderline annoying this morning though. Every time he would become inundated with frustration he would look over at you. _Look at me, god damnit_. Breakfast was to be over soon and you hadn’t looked over at him once since you sat down with your comrades. He was aching for just one more moment. _This is ridiculous_ , he thought promising himself to let these urges go. 

 

He tuned into the argument with Levi and Hange for a while. Interjecting where he felt it was necessary. _This is why I eat breakfast alone in my office_. He cared for and cherished his friendships with the two captains, but sometimes it felt as if he couldn’t be around them without working. However, he was impeccably curious about your existence; he had no other choice than to eat down in the mess hall. Reflexively he looked over at you, and to his surprise you were starring back at him. You were looking at him in a way that he had always longed for. He thought about breaking the connection with you, but it felt too good to crack. He gave himself to the moment and all of his frustration and anxiety dissolved. 

 \-------------

 

You couldn’t believe that you were starring into those spellbinding blue eyes again. You didn’t know how to react in the moment, you felt anxiety start to creep into your system. _What if he is freaked out by my starring?_ You sharply look down at your hands, blushing like a freshly bloomed rose. 

 

No one had seemed to notice the silent interaction between the two of you thankfully. _What just happened_ , you thought. _Why did he look over at me?_

 

You figured that he was just frustrated with you for all of the paperwork you made him do the night before. _He did say that he would be “keeping a close eye on me,”_ you remind yourself. This is probably just protocol.


	3. Wounds

With the return to Shiganshina coming up soon, everyone is taking their training seriously; even combat. You and Eren typically spar together, after all you excel in this area of the training. Your skill levels are approaching what Annie used to be. 

 

You and Eren have been training now for almost two hours. His punches and kicks not easing up in the slightest. “I can go all day!” Eren shouts at you. Somehow, you don’t actually think that is an exaggeration. With your hands raised in front of you for protection, you anticipate his next move. Eren swings his left arm, aiming for the side of your ribcage. You successfully block the attack, but his punches are getting faster. You begin to back up to try to slow Eren down. It’s no use because he is somehow keeping up with you. You feel your lungs expanding, desperately trying to take in oxygen. Finally you decide to throw a punch, but Eren grabs your arm and kicks your leg up from underneath you. You fall, slamming into the cold, hard ground beneath you. _Oww._ You think to yourself. Eren steps overtop of you and declares his victory-- finally. After a bit of gloating, he reaches down for your hand, placing you back on your feet. 

 

“Good round.” you say wincing from the pain. “I think I am done for the moment. I’m going to go cool down for a bit.” Usually getting knocked down doesn’t hurt this badly, you are having a difficult time regaining balance. _Maybe you wouldn’t be in so much pain right now if your mind wasn’t elsewhere during that round._

 

You make your way to the medical tent, only to be greeted by Commander Smith. You freeze for a moment. _Is he really following me everywhere now?_ Up until your recent encounter with him, you have never seen theman in your entire life. The only time you have seen him before this was from the back of a crowd while he was giving a speech. Now all of a sudden he is everywhere you turn. 

 

“Commander!” you shout, putting your right fist over your heart. You look over at him and he nods at you. There is a look of shame on his face that makes you curious. “Is everything alright?”

 

He looks at you with one of his famous eyebrows raised, “I could be asking you the same question.” He looks over at his right arm, or at least where it was and let out a soft sigh. “If you must know, I am having difficulty with my bandaging today. Nothing seems to want to stay on for me today.”

 

_Is he serious?_   you think. _Is he really ashamed of his arm?_ You walk over to him, your legs seeming to be on auto pilot. You sit down next to him on the bed and say, “I can help you if you’d like. I have a medical background.” 

 

Once again, amazed, Commander Smith looks at you, “What are you doing in the survey corps with a medical background?”

 

“My whole life my family tried to push me into the field. I studied for quite sometime and just never convinced myself that I was passionate about it. I was doing it because it was expected of me.” you say to him, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I never felt fulfilled. I always felt that I was supposed to help humanity in a different way. Since I was a young girl, I had always wanted to be a scout. I remember watching them come back from missions thinking about their bravery and sacrifice. I wanted to do that too, I wanted to serve something greater than myself.” you continue, now looking into his eyes. “I was tired of regretting my decisions and allowing others to make decisions for me, I took things into my own hands.” 

 

Erwin was now looking at you, but his gaze was soft and understanding. His mouth was gaped open slightly; admiration was a look that suited him well. He looked down at his lap and then reached over to pick up some bandages. He handed them to you without saying anything, only smiling softly. 

\-------------

Erwin was hit with a flashback of a conversation he had with Levi. The words you spoke were very similar to the ones he did.

 

> “If you begin to regret, you’ll dull your future decisions and let others make choices for you....”
> 
>  

He was so amazed at how profound your words were, how closely your ideals were to his own. It was seldom that he ever came into contact with someone so similar.

 

He watches you as you get up. Slowly unraveling the bandages, just like you were figuratively doing to the ones guarding his heart. You step in between his legs and crouch down slightly so that you are level with your work space. 

 

Erwin felt his breathing become faster, his heart was pounding in his chest. He watched you so carefully as you wrapped the bandages around what used to be his right arm. Your soft, delicate hands felt splendid on his weathered skin, somehow breathing life into him. He was now able to observe you from a close distance.Your face changing with every thought and movement you made. _She is so incredibly strong and intelligent._ He thought, fixated on your essence. 

 

Now standing, Erwin looked down at you. You were the woman that he would have loved to worship, if only he had chosen a different path in life. With the approaching return to Shiganshina mission, he knew it wouldn’t be wise to explore these feelings of his further; his death, as well as yours, were almost imminent.

 

“Thank you.” He said longingly, starring down at your beautiful face.

 

“Anytime.” You look up to meet his gaze.


	4. Preparation

You and the survey corps will soon be returning to Shiganshina to hopefully close the holes in the wall and take back the district for humanity. You have many anxieties running through your head about the mission, you are aware of the possibility that you will be put to rest on this mission; the survival rates are not looking too good. 

 

You walk over to the mirror in your room and take a hard look at yourself. Your eyes are glossy from holding back tears, and you rub the area around them to try to calm down. _Death is unescapable,_ you think starring yourself down. _I would rather die bravely than running_.

 

You hear a knock on your door, and make your way over to open it. On the other side of the door you see Captain Levi. 

 

“Sir!” you say, swiftly saluting the petite man.

 

“Enough.” Levi says flatly. “Get yourself ready, the squad is getting ready to head down to the Commander’s office to go over the plans for Shiganshina. I expect you to be there in five minute.”

 

_Five minutes. Is he crazy? The walk alone is five minutes._ “Certainly, Captain. I’ll see you there promptly.”

 

You hear a “tch” escape Levi’s lips as he slams the door behind him.

 

You clumsily fumble around your room to get your uniform on. Once you are dressed, you run down the hallways and pray that you make it to Erwin’s office within five minutes so Levi doesn’t lose his cool. You reach for the handle of the Commander’s office door and barge in. Only, you and Erwin are the only two in the room. 

 

Erwin turns around to look at you with wide eyes, “In a hurry?” he asks.

 

“Sorry, sir! Levi told me to be here in five minutes! I didn’t want to be late! you exclaim, catching your breath.

 

“Well have a seat, you are the first to arrive. Everyone should be here shortly.” he says looking out the window. There is a sense of longing on his face that is laced with a tinge of sadness. You can only wonder what he is thinking in that moment. You go to ask but Levi and the rest of the squad make their way into the room. 

 

“Thank you all for coming,” Erwin addresses you all. “as you know, our next mission is approaching fast. This is the most important battle of our life time and I need to make sure that this particular squad is properly prepared.”

 

You can’t believe that you will all be in Shiganshina soon. You try to push the despair out of your head and listen as the Commander speaks, but it is pointless. There is an emptiness that is clawing at your insides. If you were able to unzip and step out of yourself in that moment you would. 

 

You don’t hear a word the Commander says. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, things never go as planned with your missions outside of the wall so this mission should be no exception. You know you will be able to successfully contribute regardless of your attention in the present day. The Commander dismisses everyone and you have the urge to linger behind.

 

“Do you have a question, cadet?” the Commander says, returning to look out of the window. 

 

“Sir, I cannot help but notice that you seem distracted. I am fully aware that we all may perish in this next mission. If you need to get something off of your chest, now is a better time than ever.” you say to him, unbelieving of the nerve you have right now. 

\------------

 

Erwin was, once again, amazed by your selflessness. Only few individuals around him really know him; his hopes, dreams and motivations. Erwin only met you recently, but in this moment, he decided that he wanted you to join that select few.

 

\-------------

“Sit down.” he said, turning his head to look at you. “It is a complicated story.

 

You were honored to have a man as honorable as Erwin Smith confide in you. His essence alone was enough to propel the human race forward into the future. You sat down and listened to his story. He told you about his father and the theories that he held close to his heart. He told you why he lived a lonely life; he never married or had children. He shut the world out for his dreams, and there was something admirable about that. He also went into great detail about how he felt about himself. He had so much grief inside of him from all of those he lead into battle and had fallen. He placed a great deal of blame on his shoulders for all of the lives lost up until this point.

 

You were sitting down, in front of his desk-- speechless. Nothing you would say would take away his pain, or properly validate his feelings. You get up and walk over towards him. You gently place your hand on his broad shoulder. He tilts his head up to look at you, his eyes swimming in their own sorrow. “You’re a good man.” you say to him, with as much sincerity as you are capable of portraying in a single sentence. “It is an honor to be under your command.”

 

Before you are able to pull away, Erwin grabs your hand and holds it tightly. “Thank you for your service.” he replies. For the next several minutes you and Erwin lock eyes, unable to move. Eventually you pull away and head back you your room to prepare for the days to come. 


	5. Visitation

You head back to your room from the Commander’s office. The only thing on you mind being the beauty that is Erwin Smith. For a moment, you wish things were different. You wish you both followed different paths in life, but unfortunately that type of thinking will get you no where in situations like this.

 

You reach your bed and throw yourself onto it, letting out a huge sigh. You are not certain what is going to transpire at Shiganshina, but you have a feeling it isn’t going to be pleasant. You reach under your bed and grab an old photo album. You look through it, reliving everything you possibly could. You stop at a picture of your mother and gently rub your hand over the picture. You look exactly like her, just slightly taller. Just when you are about to flip the page, you hear a knock at your door. 

 

“Who is it?” you demand, uncertainty strong in your voice. No one visits you this late in the evening.

 

A wonderfully familiar voice rang out, “It’s Erwin. Do you have a minute?”

 

You don’t have anything to say. You walk over to the door and open it to see his figure engulfing the entire frame. “Commander,” you say absolutely puzzled. “What can I do for you?”

 

\---------

Erwin wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he got to your room. In fact, he wasn’t even sure why he was going to your room. This went against everything he had worked towards up until this point, but he knew that he had to have you before your Shiganshina trip. He walked down the hallway to your room with conviction, but once he reached the door he froze for a minute. _What if she rejects me?_ he thought. He thought about your soft delicate hands on his shoulder and it inspired him to knock on the door. 

 

When the door was opened he stood there for a second, unsure what to say. The commander always prided himself on being well put together and thoughtful, but in this moment he felt primal and speechless. He had nothing to say to you, only things to show you. Your large eyes were staring up at him with wonder, and in that moment he reached out and grabbed your waist with his arm.

\-----------

 

You were now pressed closely to the Commander. He looked down at you with passion in his eyes, “I don’t want to regret anything before we head to Shiganshina.” he growled, his voice was low and husky. He leaned in and whispered “will you allow me to love you?” An electric sensation shot down your spine into your tail bone. You grabbed his chiseled face in your hands and pressed your lips to him, letting out a whimper.

 

His large body overpowered you, and you allowed yourself to become totally consumed by the Commander. He pushed you forward as he slammed the door shut with his foot. He moved you over toward your bed, deeply kissed you, and then threw you onto the mattress. 

 

Looking up at him, you watch him remove his shirt over his head; revealing his god-like body with a map of scars from his years of service. You have never seen someone so beautiful in your entire life. You pick yourself up and reach for his belt, sliding it off with vigor and ease while you land kisses on his waistline. You have never been more present in a moment in your entire life. 

 

He pulls your shirt off in one swooping motion and climbs on top of you. You reach down to undo your pants and you quickly shuffle them down. Erwin throws his hand under your waist and rolls over, you now on top of him. You both desperately kiss each other as you grind into his thigh. You let out a soft moan which drives him wild. He grabs your hair and exposes your neck, nibbling and sucking on every inch he can put his mouth on. 

 

Erwin throws your leg over him so that you are now straddling him, he sits up with you and removes your bra in one motion, allowing the piece of clothing to fall to the floor. You press your bare chest against his and you both let out a guttural noise. He moves his hand slowly across your breast, tugging ever so slightly on your nipple. You are awash in sensation, and a shiver escapes your body. 

 

Erwin trails his hand down to your waist and flips you on your back. He pulls down his boxers reveling his hard, throbbing erection. _God, he’s massive_. He grabs your foot and places gentle kisses on the side of your arch, making his way to your ankle.... your calf.... your thigh. You feel the breath hiss out of his mouth and onto your sensitive skin. You buck your hips forward, begging him to penetrate you with his massive cock.

 

“P-please...” you implore him.

 

“Not yet.” he whispers as he trails his index finger down the middle of your torso. 

 

Erwin presses his mouth to your clitoris and you let out a wild moan and frantically grab for your bed sheets, or anything that you could hold onto for that matter. He watches each reaction you make intently, like an predator stalking it’s prey. The moment is consuming. It’s possessive. And it’s hot.He runs circles around your clit, sucking and humming whenever he deems necessary. You are totally powerless He has completely hot-wired your body. And it is everything. 

 

Finally, right when you are about to finish, he pulls back. You don’t have much time to be frustrated though, Erwin immediately climbs on top of you and you wrap your legs around his strong, muscular frame. 

 

You grab his erection and guide it inside you. You both exhale sharply and take a moment to relish in the connection. His gaze steadfast on your face. After you both adjust to the sensation, he tilts himself out of you-- in and out. Deeply massaging that sweet spot inside of you with every thrust. His teeth graze your neck and earlobes, aggressively tugging at your skin. Every time he pumps into you, you are there to meet him. You establish a rhythm together and you grunt and whimper in unison. 

 

Tears spring into your eyes, the sensation is becoming incredibly intense. You squirm and convulse underneath him and then finally you detonate around him, calling out his name breathlessly and clawing at his back. Your reaction allows him to release himself as well, letting out a guttural growl into your ear. 

 

Erwin presses his head to your forehead, sweat dripping down onto your skin. You both stay there in that moment, breathless. Both wishing that there wasn’t a world outside of this room. You cup your hands around his face and press your lips into his. You gently push his golden blonde hair back and he falls onto your chest. You spend your last night before Shiganshina together, silently embracing one another.


	6. Shiganshina

You wake up early the morning, Erwin is sleeping soundly next to you. You roll over and look at his beautiful, still face. _So peaceful_. Your heart breaks, knowing that today is the day that you both ride to Shiganshina with the rest of the survey corps. 

 

You lay silently by his side until he starts awaken. His blue eyes flutter open, a soft smirk caresses his face, “Good morning” he says in a raspy voice, clearing his throat. 

 

“Good Morning” you smile back at him. 

 

Before you can say anything, Erwin grabs you for a kiss. You spent your entire night after your intimacy in silence, gently stroking his hair and listening to each other’s breath. It was beautiful, but it is also now refreshing to hear his voice. 

 

“Listen,” he says, sitting himself up in your bed “I need you to know something. We are both going to be put into some serious danger soon, I probably won’t make it back alive and there is a chance you won’t either. What happened last night was something I had been thinking about since I met you. I needed to worship you, I would have regretted it if I hadn’t.” He said staring a hole through your face. 

 

“I feel the same way, Erwin.” You say, sincerely.

 

“But,” he said, grabbing your hand “we still have a mission to focus on. We have humanity to save. We need to give our hearts to the cause, regardless of what happened last night.”

 

“Erwin, you don’t have to worry. I will not falter from the objective.” You reply. His words stung, but it was already a thought you had in your head unfortunately. 

 

The emotional connection you felt towards each other was intense, but your obligation to humanity was greater. Erwin pulled you in and kissed your forehead, “time to get ready then.” He said unequivocally.

 

You both got dressed in silence. When you were both finished you sat on the edge of the bed together, once again wishing that your reality outside of the room would vanish. The time eventually came when you couldn’t wish anymore, and you headed down together to the wall and rode towards Shiganshina.

 

It took a whole day and night to get there, but you finally made it. Things went suspiciously well at first. There weren’t any sign of titans nearby. You knew that was too good to last, however; you were right. The Armored Titan, Colossal Titan, and the Beast Titan were all present. 

 

Eren had already boarded up the holes in the wall, so you were all trapped between titans. You were given orders to gather the horses, but once you reached everyone, the Beast Titan was already hurling boulders in that general direction. 

 \-------------- 

Erwin came down from the wall and discussed the situation over with Levi. It was decided that the only hope we had of getting soldiers out of this situation would be to charge at the Beast Titan as a diversion while Levi made his way to slaughter him; a suicide mission. 

 

In that moment, Erwin knew that he had to let go of his dream of getting to the Yeager cellar, but he also had to let go of his dream of loving you. 

\---------------

You were standing in a group of scouts trying to calm everyone down. Panic was running rampant on the ground, and it only got worse with each boulder thrown by the Beast Titan. Eventually, Erwin made his way over to the group.

 

His speech started off sullen, but ended in a way that cause a fire to ignite inside of you and your comrades. 

  

> “ It’s us who gives meaning to our comrades lives! The one who will remember them.. are us, THE LIVING!!” he screams at the top of his voice.
> 
>  

You all scatter, saddling up to mount your horses. Before you climb atop of your horse Erwin grabs your hand swinging you around to face him. He plants a passionate, deep kiss on your lips and looks at you and says, “Our hearts for the cause.”

 

You run the back of your hand down his cheek, caressing him, knowing this is the last time you will ever get to feel his warmth. “Our hearts for the cause.” You say in a reassuring manner. Erwin kisses your forehead once more as you let each other go. You mount your horse and follow closely behind him. 

 

Erwin lets out an incredible roar while raising his blade in the air as you charge toward the Beast Titan. Erwin takes one more glance back at you before firing a green smoke signal and then faces forward. _I am so lucky to have had you, Erwin Smith._ And then, everything fades to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is definitely not the happy ending you probably wanted, but I think it is a beautiful way to honor Erwin and the plot of SNK.
> 
> I couldn't write a fiction where we all live "happily ever after." In my mind, Erwin Smith would never place romance and love above humanity. His heart was dedicated to the cause, regardless of his dreams.
> 
> I wanted his final moment of weakness to be with the reader. 
> 
> To be honest, there was a part of my spirit that died with Erwin Smith, and it's symbolic to have the reader perish along side of him. 
> 
> This fiction helped me cope with his death (lol).
> 
> Thank you all for reading if you made it this far! I appreciate your support. This is my first fiction, so it is my baby!

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to try to stay true to Erwin's character and plot line as this story progresses! It is important to me that Erwin stays true to his ideals and character. 
> 
> Erwin Smith is a character that I have fallen deeply in love with. His virtue and character development are top notch and I want to do him justice in this story. 
> 
> This is my first fiction, so thank you for taking an interest in my writing, it means the world to me!


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